Most of you know that I work 10am – 6pm.
Most of you would be extremely envious of those working hours as that allows you a little sleep in in the morning and miss the peak hour traffic.
But I find that I’ve been wasting the time.
Towards the end of last year I managed to get somewhat of a habit to wake up early enough to go to the gym.
But nowadays, even though I’m sleeping the same time, I’m waking up later, as late as I can, wasting 30 bucks a fortnight on a gym I don’t go. And by the time I come home, at the least for the past don’t know how many months I haven’t got time to do the things I want to do.
For example writing my Psalm a day post without cutting into my work time. (sorry Psalm 22 is once again delayed…)
Chilling out with my back catalogue of games on my xbox.
Reading the plethora of books I’ve bought but never got past the first chapter.
Practicing music to actually get to a point where I can confidently reflect that I’ve played piano since I was four and played keyboards for church since I was 13. I’m nearly 22 now and if I could even have 1% of any of my keyboard heroes I will be at the least a 100 fold better.
I blame my environmental factors, chiefly a poor foundation. Take this as a warning that DO NOT EVER SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO YAMAHA MUSIC SCHOOL FOR PIANO. Group lessons for piano, wait, the ELECTONE, sucks big balls. My technique blows big time, because I got away with just good enough, cause the teacher had to listen to another 20+ students who also just like me did not want to be there.
Even though I was there for a few years, it was then followed up by amatuerish teachers, who weren’t really qualified piano teachers but just decent young pianist who passed their grade 8 and needed to make some cash. And there again, my piano skills suffered. Heck even when I was 13, I didn’t think I would still be playing keys for church today.
I do not deny that FGA is blessed in the areas of music somehow, but I know that it probably has stifled me a bit and let me develop poor habits in musicianship cause I got good enough to get through most things that my church throws at me. Key of G for almost everything to accomodate guitarist, with the most daring either being B (if the singers could even reach that key) or F with it’s one blessed flat.
But then when I came across this site, I knew instantly that’s what I wanted. For a few years, I told myself once I get a hand on that resource, I’ll learn it, consume it, breath it until it becomes part of me. Yes I did get it towards the end of last year after much trouble with the company stateside, but has it made me a better musician? Maybe just a little bit, simply because it has opened my ears to what is possible. But then, the only place where I could utilise it is church, yet our church doens’t play the music that would motivate me to learn and incorporate all these crazy chords, fills and runs without it clashing with something or someone.
And now, the month of March, the first time in a long time where you could say I have many gigs lined up, and even the opportunity to incorporate some of the ideas that I know exist, I am finding myself struggling. Realising that I am a joke of a musician, using hacks to pass. Yes I know God has blessed me, but I can’t keep misusing it, I need to take ownership and be a good steward of it, and exercise excellence, something which I fail to do.
And once again, my bad habits as an unmotivated perfectionist rears its ugly head. I want to be the best, but I want to be the best now, if I know it can’t happen now, I won’t put the effort into it. I want to be right all the time, I want to be right from the get go, if not I don’t commit to it. My flawed mindset is that my childhood and teenage years were the ideal grace period of learning any instruments or skills, anything pass that period don’t bother picking up a new skill unless it’s completely obscure and just being a noob at it can impress little children.
So going to the places like the Ellington for the past couple of weeks to hear Graham Wood play has been a double edged sword. It made me realise how terrible I am at what I do, unmotivating me, wanting to give up now cause I can’t even attain to his standard who probably is just a small drop in the ocean that exist out there. Yet it also has inspired me to realise that, I should do something about it.
Not let it go to waste.