Constraints

I hate small spaces.

I don’t think I am claustrophobic. But I don’t even want to fathom what it’s like to be buried alive in a coffin. That has to be the worst way to die.

Probably a good half a year to a year ago at work in Subway, Justin (bossman) posed a really morbid question: “what would be a cool way to die” or something to that effect. I think I replied: “I would sell my body to a cannibal for some exorbitant price and donate the usable organs and give the money to my family…”

Despite the gruesomeness of that idea, I just realised that it still highlights how much I dislike being constraint. Even in death, I want my innards to go out to a worthy cause, my flesh… questionable.

There are many applications of my detest to constraints.

1. I prefer writing on blank sheets of paper as opposed to lined paper
2. The door to my room is always opened
3. I like high lofty ceilings
4. Actually I just like huge vast open spaces
5. When I was younger, I preferred shoes just a bit bigger so I could wiggle my toes
6. I’ve always looked to birds with admiration at their ability to fly so freely
7. As far as I know, I’ve always tried to push the boundaries my mum has set for me since young

This list doesn’t have any sorta real order to it and I’m pretty sure that is just a small representation only.

But the inspiration behind this post?

This morning before going to work, it occurred to me why I feel so tired of it. I’m coup up and bounded to a desk, slaved to some piece of turd ergonomic chair that is not the least bit comfortable for 8 hours a day, 5 days straight. Or maybe it’s a distinct lack of direction and focus, and a discontent due to its seemingly misalignment to what I believe I’m purposed for.

Yes I am grateful for a job straight out of uni. But I have this sense that God has something greater installed for me. And it’s all happening in 09. It’s exciting, the uncertainty of it all, not being constraint to a predefined mindset. But it’s also unsettling, simply because without any sort of boundaries, it’s like floating in thin air aimlessly.

At least I know that spiritually I’m already free. Free of all bondages, chains, fetters, constraints, constrictions and confinements. (The last three were titles for this post that I kept cycling through, don’t know which one is better..)

It is now a matter of me translating that spiritual truth, into physical, natural reality. Operating my life in  complete freedom, that at the drop of a hat, I’m in total abandon to God’s voice, directive and calling, not constraint and bounded by what the world (and yes even the church) thinks I should do and be.

And that is the bane of my existence. To contest all these constraints. To release myself from the small into the big, open spaces.

Filed under: Annoyance, Cogitations, Life, dreams, long term

Slight Annoyance

I woke up 4 hours at 7am after my goal of waking up at 2am this morning to do some work.

No surprise there

I did actually wake up at 2, but went back to sleep cause it was soooo gooood.

I’m also a bit annoyed at WordPress’ strict controls, i.e. limiting your widgets and media despite the 3gb storage, and not being able to get total customisation out of it unless you want to get a paid account.

The source of this frustration? Trying to most a video of my nephew using Vimeo.

You say just use YouTube. I would, but the colour scheme of an embedded Vimeo matches my blog’s. I guess that post about my nephew and nieces will have to wait till later tonight :\

Filed under: Annoyance, Life